Common Relationship Problems
Why Do Relationships Fail?

Common relationship problems are not as obvious as "big" relationship problems. They are more prevalent and also more hidden than the big ones. When a relationship fails because of an addiction or an affair of one partner, we don't feel the need to look any further: we have one reason, and one person to blame.

However, there are practically always deeper reasons why the relationship didn't survive. I believe the following three reasons are the most common relationship problems.

1. The amount of love expressed is not felt equally on both sides, and resentment starts on one side.
2. The partners' interests being very different, one partner gives up his or her own interests.
3. Differences of opinions are being avoided, and silence sets in.

1. Here is an example of "The amount of love expressed is not felt equally on both sides, and resentment starts on one side...", one of the most common relationship problems:

Tina and Marco had been married for two years, when Tina started to notice that she loved Marco more than he loved her. She was always showing interest in his hobbies, his work, his friends or his feelings. However, Marco never thought of asking how Tina's day was and whether she was happy.

Believing she was taken for granted, Tina decided to stop asking Marco about his life and, in a way, started to withdraw her love from him. She did it for two reasons. First, she felt she was minimizing her risk of getting hurt, and second, she secretly - and probably subconsciously - hoped that Marco would wonder about her sudden lack of interest for him, and might start expressing more love towards her.

However, when Marco saw Tina withdrawing her love from him, he became angry and more distant, now consciously pulling away from her and expressing even less love than before.

Of course, all this was being done without talking openly about it. After five years of this game, Marco and Tina got a divorce, trying to find reasons for the relationship failure but never understanding what had happened.

2. Another one of the most common relationship problems is that "The partners' interests being very different, one partner gives up his or her own interests." Here is an example:

Simon and Rachel met at a social event organized by their church. It was love at first sight and they got married very rapidly. Simon loves sports. He plays soccer, hockey and basketball. Rachel enjoys baroque music and Shakespearean theatre. She has season tickets for all local performances.

Wanting to share her husband's interests, Rachel has given up her season tickets and instead comes and watches Simon play. After a while, she starts resenting Simon for not doing the same type of sacrifice for her. If he loved her, she thinks, he would go to the theatre with her. How can he be so selfish! While Simon never asked her to give up her own interests, Rachel had expected that he would get involved in her own hobbies. She realizes they have practically nothing in common. Why should they stay together?

3. The third of the most common relationship problems: "Differences of opinions are being avoided, and silence sets in."

Jared and Sylvia have been raised by parents who fought all the time. So they have decided to avoid arguments at all costs. If Jared talks about Sylvia's mother's drinking problem, Sylvia ignores him. If Sylvia talks about Jared's long hours on the computer, Jared changes the topic.

They both start avoiding the subjects that hurt and, after a while, those untouched issues build a wall between them. Spontaneous conversation becomes more difficult as there are so many issues to avoid. Finally, unable to take the pressure of silence any longer, Sylvia decides to end the relationship. The silence that was supposed to protect the relationship became the reason why it collapsed.

What to do in those situations?

Those three reasons are very insidious and most couples are not aware of them. The problem usually starts because one partner makes an assumption without checking what the other partner really thinks or feels. We can improve our relationship when...

a. we realize what is happening in our relationship by taking a serious look at it: "We are avoiding certain subjects" or "I have given up my hobbies for his"

b. we are aware there is a temptation to react a certain way to a certain situation: "If she punishes me by not kissing me goodbye, I will punish her by being distant"

c. we decide to refrain from acting uncaringly and instead consider it an opportunity to become a better person: "Even if she doesn't kiss me, I still love her and I tell her so"

d. we make a conscious effort to understand our partner: "It is possible that he could enjoy playing soccer but still love me?"

e. we communicate our own fears honestly, therefore helping our partner express his or her own fears: "When you don't ask about my day, I am afraid you don't care about me" or "When you tell me about your problems and I cannot do anything about them, I feel inadequate"

f. we decide to find happiness within ourselves instead of expecting our partner to make us happy: "If I am watching your soccer game, it is because I want to, not because I am expecting you to react a certain way to my effort"

If you honestly deal with the most common relationship problems on a regular basis, you will be amazed at the improvements those details can bring. Good luck!




Other Resources on External Websites

How to Bring Back A Lost Love! Home Study Course. You can save your relationship, save your marriage and get your lover back no matter how hopeless or difficult your situation appears.

Breakup Reversed - How to reverse your situation so your Ex fights day and night to get you back... even if it seems hopeless

1000 Questions for Couples - What you absolutely must know about the one you're with. Life changing!

The Magic Of Making Up - Get your Ex back


Common Relationship Problems





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