How to Make Yourself Irresistible

If you want to appear irresistible, remember that you usually have less than 20 seconds to make a good first impression. But do first impressions last? Yes, they do!

One reason is that, as human beings, once we decide that we like – or don’t like – a person, we don’t want to change our mind, unless we have compelling reasons to do so. And the second reason is that most of our decisions – some say all of them – are made by our subconscious mind, i.e. automatically. And, since we are still alive, it means that those automatic decisions seem to be the right ones, so why not trust our subconscious mind?

The seven “secrets” I am sharing here are meant to work directly on the subconscious mind of anyone you will interact with, so that they will find you irresistible as soon as they meet you… and maybe forever if you don’t blow it!

1. Appear Young and Beautiful

I say “appear” because you can do it even if you are 107 years old and look like the monster of Frankenstein! There are three ways to make yourself look young and beautiful.

a. Smile. A real smile, that is one that involves your eyes, not only your mouth, conveys:
- confidence: we are attracted to confident people.
- happiness: yes, misery loves company, but only as long as we are miserable. Otherwise, happy people are a lot more magnetic.
- enthusiasm: you are sharing your energy from deep down, en theos meaning “God inside”
- acceptance: when you smile, you are telling people you accept them, and you make them feel good.

b. Look Tall. Tall people appear to be better leaders than short people. However, if you are short but you hold your spine and your neck straight and you square your shoulders, you will give the impression of being tall. If you are already tall, never hunch. Posture is important to being irresistible!

c. Walk Young. Once you hold yourself straight, make sure you don’t drag your feet. Watch how you generally walk and see how you could put more energy in your steps. Walking assertively may also save your life since assaulted people often look like victims in the first place.

2. Give a Good Handshake. Make sure you give a good handshake. Read the article entitled Types of Handshakes: How to Give Them, How to Read Them on this website.

3. Remember the Eye Contact. In the Western culture, you are expected to look at people straight in the eyes. If you don’t, people usually assume you are in a bad mood, or that you don’t like them. A very strong, negative subconscious signal!
A useful tip to make yourself irresistible is to look at the eyebrows of the person speaking, and mirror those eyebrows while you are listening. The person will feel you are sharing his or her emotions.
You don’t need to stare the whole time, but avoid looking behind the person, or looking down as it is perceived as a weakness. And, men, avoid gazing at a lady’s cleavage, at least if you want to be irresistible to her!
If your background is not the Western world, you may be interested in reading about Social Skills and Diversity in the Workplace elsewhere on this website.

4. Try Nodding. Another relatively unknown secret of appearing charismatic is nodding while people are speaking to you. It actually gives them energy and makes them feel like you are actively listening to them and agreeing with what they are saying. Nodding has a fringe benefit: it allows you to direct the conversation. If the conversation takes a direction you don’t like, you can stop nodding and they often lose their train of thought. You can then reorient the conversation to a safer topic! A bit sneaky, I admit, but why not try it. It still makes you irresistible.

5. Select Carefully your First Few Words. Up to now we have concentrated on body language. When you start a conversation or a lecture, make sure your first few words are always positive, because the rest of your conversation is going to be filtered through those first words.
For instance, if you arrive late at a job interview and need to apologize, take the time to say two or three positive words (like “Good morning!”, “It’s so nice meeting you”, “What a great office you have!”), before you start apologizing.

6. Make them feel important. Everyone wants to feel important. The sweeter sound in the world is your own name uttered by someone else. Make sure you ask for the person’s name. To help you memorize it, ask for details (spelling, origin, etc.) Ask questions, let them talk, and make “me too” statements. Finding what you have in common is a great way to bond and therefore to make you appear irresistible.

7. And if you say something inappropriate… don’t worry because we all put our foot in our mouth eventually. The important thing is what you say next. You have to acknowledge your mistake, instead of hoping that the person didn’t hear, or will forget – it won’t happen!
Saying “I am so embarrassed” or “I am sorry” will go a long way in keeping the relationship going. During a job interview, Jose used the competitor’s name instead of the company’s name – an honest mistake when you are job-hunting all week long – and hoped the interviewer hadn’t heard. However, within a few seconds, the tone of the interview changed, and Jose realized he had lost the job. If he had acknowledged his mistake right away, chances are he would have had a successful interview.
Why is it so important? Acknowledging your mistakes indicates that you are honest. Laughing at yourself shows confidence and, as I mentioned earlier, confident people are charismatic. Finally, it conveys that you are a human being and you are not perfect. Being perfect or “cool” doesn’t make you likeable. Instead, being human helps you connect with others.

In summary, if you want to make yourself irresistible, try some – if not all – of those techniques:
- Appear young and beautiful
- Give a good handshake
- Make eye contact
- Nod as you are listening
- Ensure your first words are positive
- Make people feel important
- Don’t take yourself too seriously.
Of course, you will still have put in some effort to keep the relationship going, but you will have laid the groundwork to make yourself irresistible.

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